I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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