Duck Duck Cougar?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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