Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
