Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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