I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
