i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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