His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
