Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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