Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
