i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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