dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize