the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
