So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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