Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
