R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
