I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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