if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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