Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
