I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
