Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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