Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
