My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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