Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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