I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
