Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
