I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
