weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
