go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
