Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
