it was like eating out sand paper
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
