Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
