i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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