You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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