It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
