Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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