none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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