I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
