So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
