I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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