Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you made out with another girl for some wings
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
