i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize