she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
