I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
