mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
