You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
