You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
