Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
