How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
