found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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