Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
