I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
operation harelip BJ is a go
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
