I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize