she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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