He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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