ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
