I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
