If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
