capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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