I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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