so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
