trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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