Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
