Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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