He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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