I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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