There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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