Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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