He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
