ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
